


Awe in Your Eyes

by danceofwords



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), F/M, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Post-Canon, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 05:29:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15136169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceofwords/pseuds/danceofwords
Summary: After noticing Connor was struggling emotionally after becoming deviant, you tried to give him one night of peace.[post pacifist best ending; can be read as friendship/pre-slash or as slash with alternate ending]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so... DBH took over my life, really I can't think of words which would do it justice. And Connor, you beautiful, beautiful being. ❤︎
> 
> Comments, kudos and constructive criticism are always appreciated. If you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, please point them out to me, this work is not beta'd :)

**JAN 14, 2039**

**21:42:02 PM**

 

It had been two months since the android revolution, or rather uprising. People were still adjusting, as were most androids. And one of the places where that was most apparent was Jimmy’s bar. Gone was the “no androids allowed” sign, but the human patrons were still eyeing Connor suspiciously. Him, Hank and you were sharing a booth enjoying a few drinks (well, Hank and you, Connor couldn’t) in celebration of the most recent case solved by the two partners.

You were nearing the end of your first drink, when Hank threw back the last contents of his tumbler.

“Alright, I’m gonna go take a piss and then get the next round.”, he said with a grin. He was in a good mood and you were glad to see him like this, it was rare. Even though his dark habits had been becoming more infrequent since Connor became a stable part of his life.

“Thanks!”, you called to him with your glass raised. While Hank was gone, you turned to Connor. The android hadn’t said much yet since you met up here. He seemed to be staring into space, not really focussing on anything. His LED was a steady yellow.

“Connor, penny for your thought?”, you gently asked him. His head snapped up to you and he looked conflicted.

“Sorry, (y/n), it seemed my thoughts have occupied all of my processing power.”, his forehead wrinkled as if he couldn’t really believe it himself. You smiled.

“Yeah, I know the feeling… How are you holding up, now that you experience emotions?” You had wanted to ask him this for a while now, but there had never been the right time and even now you didn’t want to ruin Hank’s mood by bringing up such a complicated topic.

Connor took a few seconds to answer.

“I’m… adjusting. It’s very confusing, all the time. Often, overwhelmingly so.”, he looked down, “And I see events that happened in the past from a different perspective now, which is enlightening. But, I still have problems interacting with humans sometimes. Even with my deviancy and advanced social programming.”, he explained sincerely.

“I would be concerned if you had that down to a T immediately, Connor”, you reassured him, “Humans are such complex beings, as are androids, and no code in the world could ever sufficiently capture that. All we can do is learn from our experiences. What did you mean by seeing things differently now?” He sighed. Another sign of how exhausted he was, emotionally.

“I used to not be bothered by the way Detective Reed treated me and he has decreased his insults toward me, but when I became deviant…”, he trailed off. “And it’s not just the Detective, most of the humans really. They had such hatred for my kind and still have, sometimes.”, his voice hinted at distress, his yellow LED flickering. You laid your hand on his forearm to comfort him.

“Detective Gavin Reed is a complete asshole. Never, ever let him get to you, you hear me?” You squeezed his arm to get your point across. “And the other humans, most of them are frustrated with their situation, and let me state clearly here, I do not want to defend their actions in any way, I just want you to understand, maybe that makes it easier. And with time, I believe that most will overcome their prejudices. I need to believe that.”

Connor stared at you. His LED had stopped flickering.

“Thank you, (y/n). I think… I think I need to believe that, too. It’s just difficult to see the upside of having emotions sometimes.”, he confessed. That didn’t surprise you at all.

“Especially with the job you chose to continue.”, you agreed.

“Hey, why the long faces?”, Hank chuckled at both of you, which brought a smile to your face.

“Nothing, the bar is just dull without you.”, you gave back. The corners of Connor’s lips lifted and you noticed his LED was blue again. Good, missions successful. Hank gave a quick laugh and sat down with your drinks.

“This will be my last drink, though, I need to leave after.”, you informed Hank and he looked a bit confused before he remembered.

“Ah, yes, that thing you told me about last week.”, he confirmed and you grinned.

“And I’m sorry, I’m gonna take Connor with me.”, you warned him and he exaggerated a disappointed sigh before saying that it would be good for the android. Of course Hank had also noticed Connor’s subdued behavior.

“What do you mean with ‘that thing’, Hank, and why will I be accompanying you, (y/n)?”, Connor asked, perplexed.

“It’s a surprise!”, you exclaimed before Hank could reply.

 

**JAN 14, 2039**

**23:02:39 PM**

 

After you had said goodbye to Hank, you drove with Connor (he drove your old-fashioned pick-up truck, since he didn’t let you, two drinks in as you were) to the outskirts of Detroit.

“You can park here.”, you told him and he glanced at you.

“Just anywhere on the side of the road?”, he tried to clarify and you nodded. You were on a tiny road leading through several fields. There was nothing around you, save for the beginnings of a forest in the distance. Connor parked the car and you got out - he followed suit.

“And now?”, he asked curiously and you grinned. You had prepared a backpack for tonight and unpacked it on the cargo bed of your car. Two blankets, an extra hoodie for yourself, a thermos with hot tea, and your earphones for listening to music, which you probably wouldn’t need anymore, now that Connor was here.

You laid out one blanket on the open trunk and got into your extra layer of clothing. Connor had been quiet throughout the whole ordeal. You jumped onto the cargo bed and motioned for Connor to do the same.

“Lay down.”, you told him as you did, too. You put the second blanket over you both.

“I know, I know, androids don’t feel cold”, you started before he could get a word in, “but it would just feel weird to have you laying there without anything.” He was still confused about the whole reason for doing this.

“What are we doing here, (y/n)?”, he asked again and you could hear he didn’t want to wait any longer for an explanation.

“Look up, Connor, just look up.” And he did. So did you.

The night sky was full of stars. Out here, where the city lights couldn’t touch them, they shone with all their brightness. And every time you blinked and opened your eyes again, there were more than before. You felt your breathing even out, at peace at last. Then you moved your head to look at Connor next to you. The android had his gaze still fixed up to the sky. You couldn’t see his LED.

“You said at the bar that you feel like the negative parts of feeling things exceeded the good parts, so I thought I’d give you a night where you can forget about all that. Forget Reed, forget complicated humans, forget complicated feelings. Just enjoy the quiet, stunning beauty of stars at night.”, you explained to him. “Stargazing always brought me peace, so maybe I can share that peace with you.” You looked up again and lost yourself in the view.

“It does have a soothing effect.”, he whispered after a few moments, “Knowing what stars are and what they are made of is so different to actually watching them from Earth.”

For many minutes both of you just stared up at the thousands of stars, for once seeing your problems as insignificant and not worth your worry.

“You said ‘always brought me peace’. So, to go stargazing is one of your habits? Alone?”, he let his curious nature show. You turned to him and found his brown eyes looking at you.

“Yeah, it is. Though, I didn’t start it alone.”, you gave away and he waited patiently for you to continue. “I used to go stargazing with my big brother. We’d sneak out of the house late at night and just look up at the sky for hours, without talking most of the time. When I do it nowadays, I like to think he’s somewhere in the world doing the same.”

Connor furrowed his brows.

“Your brother is a criminal.”, he stated, surprise evident in his voice. He probably had just accessed his file. You nodded wearily.

“Yes, but he wasn’t always one. There was a time when we were just two kids fascinated with stars. He’d point out all the constellations he could find, the official ones and the made up ones.”, you chuckled. Connor gave you a small smile. You searched the sky for a moment.

“See, there is Cassiopeia”, you pointed with your finger, “and there is Orion, Cygnus, Scorpius, the Large Bear and then we have the Lollipop here, the Man-Squid and the Giant Tree.” You went through your list, completely lining out the made-up ones for Connor.

“Do you want me to show you the rest of the constellations visible tonight?”, he asked you. He and his super brain connected to the internet - you often forgot about that. Your expression turned into a smile.

“Yes, please.”

 

**JAN 15, 2039**

**00:29:54 AM**

 

Your phone was softly playing music and Connor and you had been silent again for some time.

“Do you ever regret turning deviant? Or rather feeling something?” The question had been weighing heavily on your heart. You wouldn’t want him to, of course. But you’d certainly understand if he did.

“The thought crossed my mind once, I admit.”, he confessed into the dark, “When Markus held his speech after the demonstration, Cyberlife tried to regain control over me, through Amanda, but I succeeded in finding a way out. Later, when I realized how close I got to losing what I have now… I regretted having something to lose, having something to fear this badly. Without that is was easier. But I banished that line of thought immediately. I never want to go back to feeling nothing, even if the negative aspects can be exhausting to a level I haven’t thought possible before.” He nodded, seemingly content with his reply.

“I’m really glad you think so.”, you whispered and shifted a bit closer to him.

“When are you the happiest? I mean, for me, I love the moments when I’m in my comfy bed and kinda awake but not _fully_ awake yet. I just want to melt into the bed sometimes because it’s just so damn comfortable and I’m not saying that is the happiest moment in my life but there is just something about it that makes me feel so… content. Do you have something comparable, even though androids don’t sleep?” It was just insatiably fascinating to see Connor figure out who he was and what being alive really meant to him. He thoroughly thought about the question.

“When I’m with Sumo, especially when I’m petting him.”, he told you and he had the most adorable smile on his face.

“Yeah, Sumo’s amazing.”, you agreed wholeheartedly.

You glanced at your watch. It should be any minute now.

“Do you want to leave, (y/n)?”, he asked when he noticed you slight preoccupation.

“No, no, it’s not that. I’m quite happy where I am, thank you.”, you said confidently and he smiled.

“Me, too.” It was spoken quietly, barely more than a whisper.

“I can’t seem to find a hobby, though.”, he stated bluntly. A rough change of topic, which meant the idea had bothered him for a while. You turned on your side to look at him, he mirrored you.

“What have you tried already?”

“I tried several sports, even though team sports clubs are not yet used to the idea of mixed species teams. I tried painting, like Markus, but I found out I’m not creative enough. And although I do like cooking for Hank, I do not eat any of the food I prepare.”, he added up. You considered him.

“I think you would enjoy reading, for sure, and maybe try-“ You saw something behind him at the horizon. “Yes, finally!”

Your exclamation made Connor jerk in surprise.

“What is it, (y/n)?”, concern evident in his voice. You looked back at him and gave him a big smile. “Look up, Connor.”

The first one was already gone by the time Connor looked back up to the stars, but it was followed by a myriad of more shooting stars. One after the other they lightened up the sky and vanished into nothingness again. It was a breathtaking sight. You felt honored to be able to see it. Both of you had sat up unconsciously, to be even a few inches closer to the heavens. God, it was so beautiful, it made you forget there could ever be evil in the world. Pure joy flew through you and you looked at Connor to see his reaction. And, boy.

Connor’s face was radiant with wonder. His warm eyes were opened wide to take everything in and his mouth hung open in a beaming smile. You’ve never seen him more _alive._

“(y/n)-“, he hastily looked down to you as if he wanted to make sure you saw this awesome display, too. You both grinned at each other before turning your heads upwards again, not wanting to miss another second of it.

“(y/n), I feel… I feel-“, he tried to convey without moving. I understood.

“Awe. That’s awe you’re feeling, Connor.”

 

**JAN 15, 2039**

**01:05:22 AM**

 

Most of the shooting stars had already passed and just a few here and there were still flying over the horizon. It gave you time to talk some more with Connor. Him and you had laid down again.

“Thank you for this night, (y/n).”, he said, sincerity exuding from him in waves.

“You’re very welcome. I just hope you found a little bit of inner peace, at least for now.”, was all you could answer. You shuffled closer to him and laid your head on his shoulder, hugging him from the side. He smiled and laid his arm around you, tucking you in even closer.

“I did.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the alternate slash ending; either read or ignore :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a Connor kiss, so I did, but I'm not really satisfied with this snippet. But since I didn't know why that was, I decided to just post it anyways. :D

**JAN 15, 2039**

**01:05:22 AM**

 

Most of the shooting stars had already passed and just a few here and there were still flying over the horizon. It gave you time to talk to Connor again.

“Thank you for this night, (y/n).”, he said, sincerity exuding from him in waves.

“You’re very welcome. I just hope you found a little bit of inner peace, at least for now.”, was all you could answer.

“But why did you bring me here?”, Connor asked you again. You sighed.

“Because you needed to see that not everything is bad out there. _I_ needed you to see that. I care about you and you not seeing that being alive also brings so much _good_ with it is killing me.” You looked away and didn’t see him smiling at you.

“But I do see the good. You just didn’t ask about that at the bar. You didn’t ask me if I thought the good was worth all the bad, when it is. Having Hank as my partner, as my family, and Sumo… And you, (y/n), my friend, my companion, my-“, he stopped himself, but you didn’t notice because you were still processing what he had just said before that. Overwhelming relief coursed through you. Connor would be okay. He would find his place in this world eventually. Maybe even at your side, a little voice said in your head.

“Good.” You smiled at him.

Eventually, you laid down again. The shooting stars were gone now, but the stars were still ornamenting the sky. He went to lie down next to you again but you pulled him towards you so that his head was on your stomach. Your thoughts halted. Damn, the one time you didn’t think before acting. Deciding the best thing to do was just to roll with it, you let him settle and then absentmindedly carded your fingers through his soft hair. He leaned into your touch. Huh, maybe that failed behavioral inhibition wasn’t so bad.

“If the probability of a bad outcome is 68%, but 32% for a good outcome, would you still act, (y/n)?”, he broke the silence. You tried to answer his question without asking for more information.

“I like to think that I would always go through with it, if it’s worth it, even if the chances of success are slim.” He moved and sat up again, turning towards you.

With a smile, he leaned down to you, one hand on your waist, and kissed you. In hindsight, you should have predicted his intentions but at the moment, you were caught by complete surprise. It took you a second to reciprocate the kiss, but when you did, your hands came up to cup his cheeks. He moved away, probably to let you catch your breath, but you chased his lips and sat up, too.

You kissed him once again because it was _Connor_. Socially awkward, adorably confused sometimes, incredibly beautiful and handsome, scarily competent, self-sacrificing-before-thinking _Connor_. You touched your forehead against his and looked into his eyes.

“I did.”, his voice sounded raspy, “I did find some peace here tonight.”


End file.
